Tuesday, October 27, 2026
6⁶6 Part 2
Had to split this up because I wanted to go long for my favorite Scream movie. Because you can't talk about Scream without talking about other movies.
Even though I like most the opening and adore the climax of the first Scream, the rest of it is a little too clever for its own good. And there are some goofy moments that undercut how 'scary' it's supposed to be. 2 has all of the first movie's worst impulses with very little of its strengths. It also doesn't do anything all that new. 3 is just as flawed as 2 but it's so kooky and has a slight camp edge that makes it worthwhile [and her name is Parker Posey]. I also find the ending poignant. 4 nearly takes VI off of this list because it has almost the best...everything, if it weren't for the obnoxious Vaseline on the lenses. Kirby's frantic monologue to save Charlie is the single best moment of the series. And Jill is e a s i l y the best Ghostface.
5 isn't really worth mentioning. Or maybe it is. I barely remember it. Oh, well.
From the fantastic opening switch-up to the Bodega shootout to the suspense of the ladder and subway sequences, VI is just the most entertaining without subtraction. I know everyone hates the Ghostfaces here but I fell for every single twist (2 and 3 have the worst, by far). They're not only believably deranged but a whole family of murderers is a fun concept; the idea of them scheming together to ruin Sam's life is just so delicious. They're not crazy fans of Stab, they're crazy fans of Ritchie specifically. And they work so well because they're so new to all of this. They're villains in a movie where they don't know the rules of the movie...so they don't abide by what has limited this series up to this point. Thus VI is the freshest one of the bunch. "Who gives a fuck about movies?" is how the title card comes in, after all. And it leads to the wonderful gag where Gale tells one of them to "Hold on" and they go "Wait, what?" as she hangs up and calls them back. Gun in hand, she calls them back to hear their phone ring. God, it's just as funny and clever as anything Williamson ever wrote. Moreso, even.
And not for nothing but the 'Core Four' stuff is so endearing to me, not cringy in the slightest. Their hangout dialog is fun. It's balanced out by Sam becoming more fucked up and a social pariah all while being overprotective of Tara. Their push-and-pull dynamic is the closest the entire franchise has ever gotten to investing me in any characters' inner lives. When Tara tells her to let her go at the end, I'm always moved by it. I still don't love Sam as Ghostface Jr., mostly because cgi de-aged Skeet Ulrich is a pustulant boil on this movie's otherwise smooth complexion, but thankfully there's so little of it. That said, her ruthlessness in the third act, with her signature flurry of stabs, is some stand-up-and-cheer shit. Melissa Berrera being bad in Scream 5 is one of its most memorable aspects because she brings her fucking A-game to part 6. I remember being so blown away by her commitment to improving on every level. And the ending, which I consider The Ending, strikes the perfect note for the entire franchise. It's so cool that they never made a sequel.
6. V/H/S/85
Shudder should give us the ability to curate our ideal V/H/S movies. They could do a whole Dr. Frankenstein theme. Or! tie it into The Creep Tapes' marketing and call it something catchy and kitschy like The Anthology Pathology. Just imagine being able to pick from every movie's assortment and compile a playlist of all no-skips, including frame narratives. Or, hell, just to be able to simply take one out and replace it with a better one would be nice enough. But! 85 would be untouchable because it's the only movie in the series that doesn't contain a weak segment. Also, its first great contribution, No Wake, has a 'sequel' baked in with Ambrosia, so they're a package deal. You just can't break up this movie's structural integrity, especially when it ends on such a strong segment like Dreamkill and the best frame narrative since the original.
6. ANNABELLE COMES HOME
Speaking of variety! Because this is sort of a prequel and a sequel then it isn't, chronologically, the sixth chapter, but it is the sixth movie released. And even if I didn't love it I would respect it as a kind of suicide note for the Conjuring franchise. I still remember seeing the Warrens' possessed possessions in the original and letting my imagination run with which ones would spin off. So color me fucking ecstatic when I realized Annabelle Comes Home was saying "fuck it, let's do 'em all!" Nothing against Vera Farmiga or Patrick Wilson but I've always found this franchise's take on the Warrens boring. So since this is an Annabelle movie, not a Conjuring movie, the Christian superheroes are thankfully pushed to the side in favor of a charming John Hughes-ian haunted house vehicle. Creepy and suspenseful, unlike the obnoxious 'scares' of the previous (and subsequent) movies. And since they're all bite-sized none of the monsters or entities are done to death, every morsel is short and sweet. Could The Ferryman carry his own movie? Maybe. But he makes a fucking impression here and sometimes that's all you need.
Monday, October 26, 2026
6⁶6 Part 1
So I've noticed a pattern that, with a handful of horror franchises, my favorite happens to be the sixth installment. I'm not going to do any futile numerology unpacking why but maybe there's something there about how, by the time the sixth one rolls around, they decide enough is enough: it's imperative to make a good one.
Which, that doesn't make much sense, just look at Freddy's Dead*, Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - all of which are actually my least favorites. But, again, there's another pattern...just like how Cabin Fever, Seed Of Chucky, and Smokin' Aces all feature a scene where a child suddenly does karate (??). There is no why. It's a cool little oddity. Just like little white kids pulling out Asian fighting techniques.
*To be fair to Freddy's Dead, the Nightmare On Elm Street remake would probably be my least favorite if I ever saw it but I managed to avoid it because of years of unanimous word of mouth; I don't think I've ever encountered a single person, online or in the wild, who likes it.
6. JASON LIVES
Balances consistent humor and a variety of horror surprisingly well. There are spooky/creepy moments, like when he's stalking Paula outside the window. Moments of gory slapstick, like when he slashes the paintballers. And obviously the gothic opening in the graveyard, evoking Universal Monsters. I also fucking love the chemistry between Tommy and Megan, not to mention her dynamic with her Dad (a great character in his own right). She's just so instantly lovable and never loses that infectious luster; the car chase is such a left-field delight. Then the climax is genuinely thrilling leading to a sensible, satisfying ending. All-around this holds the whole Friday The 13th house of cards together because every movie before it was leading to this and nothing since has ever perfected the blueprint. Among Black Christmas and Candyman as one of my favorite slashers ever made.
6. FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES
Most of the victims in the previous movies are either unlikable, unremarkable, or just fucking repugnant. Here they feel like people with interior lives and feelings; it helps that they're actually funny and enjoyable. Obviously Erik is the standout and so is his magnificent M.R.I. kill. There was a stagnancy by the time the fifth one rolled around (that isn't forgiven because of its crazy twist) but here they tweak the formula. Doing 'generational trauma' in a Final Destination is the most logical place to take this series.
When the Grandma sacrifices herself to prove a point to her Granddaughter, I knew I was watching something special. And, of course, Tony Todd's improvised, meta self-eulogy solidifies this as the definitive Final Destination. As far as I'm concerned, I can see so many creative ways to take this series, but it also feels like this should be the last one: end on a high note.
6. SAW VI
And speaking of series-that-should-have-ended-with-the-sixth-one: Were Saw3D, Jigsaw, Spiral, and Saw X really worth it? I mean, 3D has the long-awaited reverse bear-trap kill and the camp of Hoffman going full Terminator but that's all I can stand from what is definitely the series' low point. VI has Hoffman's murderous antics and it's actually good, so, again: was Saw3D really worth it?
VI has every element of the previous 5 movies but it's the most effective; the typically twisty soap opera plotting never seems to stop transforming here. Fuckin' Boyhood is celebrated for Being Filmed Over 12 Years but Saw VI is the end result of 5 years of the most insane game of telephone. Most of or all of the previous movies' i's are dotted and t's are crossed in the process. It escalates to a surreal level of character knots that I'm always kind of in awe. And speaking of awe, Jesus Christ! The central run with the healthcare CEO, including the incredible Shotgun Carousel, is a torrent of the series' most upsetting carnage. The 'Hold Your Breath' kill is, to date, the only time a horror movie has ever gotten me close to fainting.