Saturday, June 25, 2022
Luke's Favorite Queer Artists Pt. 2
Friday, June 24, 2022
BARRY Season 3's Ambitious, Mature, Bleak Finale
Just like Hader, I don't wanna waste any time:
Shane Taylor is BARRY's second-best villain - Barry Berkman being the
first, but enough about him for now. Shane's entrance is definitely creepy
but I didn't think that feeling
would linger and fill the whole room. I thought something wacky, ala
ronny/lily, would happen before he punched Barry out - especially following Gene and Jim's grueling interrogation scene we needed a palette cleanse. No, Hader isn't letting up: once Motorcross Psycho turns and moves toward Sally...my breath stopped. Before this, Shane was kind of a hapless dope. Sure, he shot
Fuches and left him for dead, but Fuches is a piece of shit and he survived. Then there's the "Hand-off!" scene in 710N where he
not only misses every shot he takes at Barry but cartoonishly causes a
crash trying to hand a giant gun to a guy on a motorcycle - I wasn't
worried about him.
I should have worried because him strangling Sally is intense enough for its shock factors: this show has never been scary before, Sally enduring more fucking abuse, and the ticking-clock of "Oh shit, is she about to fucking die??" but something else about it really fucked with me. After he subdues her struggling, Shane kind of...deflates. He has this completely blank look on his face as he proceeds to finish the job. He's taking someone's life and he looks bored doing it. This kind of dispassion reminded me of BTK casually talking about his murders in court. And why is he doing this? Nothing important; Barry shot down Taylor Garrett's idea for a hot-tub.
And Hader still doesn't let us off the hook when Sally stabs him and silently gets the upper-hand in the soundbooth with the metal bat. There's no satisfying comeuppance when he dies; we don't see it, we don't hear it, but we do experience the totality of it traumatizing Sally. Even the image of the knife in his neck, his eyeball filled with blood, and him rambling nonsense because he doesn't fully understand what's happened - all while calling Sally a "fuckin' bitch" over and over - is ghoulish instead of the typical dark comedy we're used to.
Then there's Hank's escape from Elena which is nerve-shredding even beyond the audio nightmare of the panther mauling; there's the guard vomiting and it splatting under the door, the other guard laughing maniacally like he can't stop even if he wanted to - it sounds less like he's amused and more like he's fucking snapped. I had chills. Then the shot of Hank with the gun in the hallway (confused and traumatized, just like Sally), shallow-focus on a mysterious 'shape' dancing in the distance while the power buzzes on and off...again, this show has never been scary before this episode but if Hader has any idea[s] for a horror movie, he needs to make one. The climax of this scene is incredible writing because Elena isn't painted as some one-note villain for Hank. What she's doing is insanely fucked up but she isn't being cruel, Hader & Berg are too smart to write some jilted lover trope: it's more human than that. This isn't torture, it's a last-ditch desperate attempt to make her husband love her again. It's clearly painful for her to watch him endure it and she dies without any catharsis or understanding whatsoever. The look on Hank's face as his hug with Cristobal dissolves to the next scene means he's not fucking okay. It's heartbreaking, sickening, and tragic for all three of them. Absolutely no one is safe anymore.
Of course the next scene is Barry having a nervous breakdown in front of Albert, trembling and hyperventilating so much that he physically can't speak, he just
I've said it before and here it comes again: ronny/lily was a reinvention that broke the show and these are the cracks peeling away - it can be a cartoon or it can be an episode of Black Summer sans zombies, we'll never know what kind of show this is. We'll just have to take it on an episode-by-episode basis and this one is intense, nauseating, soul-killing and hideous from beginning to end. A+
Thursday, June 23, 2022
"HEY, VENGEANCE!" Okay, I have something to say about THE BATMAN
Just like with Ledger I'm obsessively quoting him and I don't just mean quoting the lines, I'm quoting their deliveries; he makes so many wonderful, odd, unexpected choices that I look forward to every scene he's in and I can't look away; he hijacks the movie every single time and this is a movie filled with wall-to-wall great performances (Pattinson, Dano, Kravitz, Wright, Turturro). Like, just the way he pronounces "proprietor" or "I AIN'T KILL NO GOIL!" makes me laugh so, when it calls for him to be funny, he's a fucking riot. But when it calls for him to be menacing, bewildered, angry, betrayed, disgusted, blithe, etc. he meets every demand with immense skill. I love it.
CRIMES OF THE FUTURE is the movie to beat this year
A lot of folks, including Cronenberg himself, hyped up and/or warned that Crimes Of The Future was "shocking" and would cause walkouts. Because of that hype people have disappointed themselves because of how seemingly unshocking it is; the foolish tug-of-war between Expectation Vs. Communication kept them from really engaging with it. You'd have to be a truly cynical grouch to bemoan the lack of shocking "batshit crazy, man" shit when there's a hypnotic, gorgeously shot, philosophically dense, atmospheric, contemplative, satirical sci-fi noir staring you in the face. What I found 'shocking' about it wasn't any of the gore but just how sweet, warm and funny it is - the marketing has been all about a "return to body horror" with brooding trailers and chiaroscurist posters, but, this is latter-day Cronenberg baring how much of a softy he is - and we need to appreciate that.
FIRESTARTER (2022) sucks but Carpenter's score is fucking rad
Just like Halloween Kills before it, Peacock's Firestarter remake is a bad movie; it's typically bland, forgettable, hideous, cgi-ridden gloop with a misused Zac Efron, but the soundtrack is audio excellence.
Like every other film buff I love all of Carpenter's old scores (I know; water is wet) but, personally... his newest stuff is his absolute best. Yeah, I miss him making movies but I trust him when he says he just doesn't want to; He collects checks, plays video games, and watches basketball - dude's living the dream. I'd rather him sit it out and do what he wants rather than passionlessly pump shit out (lol, remember The Ward?). His newest stuff, with his son Cody and Daniel Davies, is so much more ambitious, textured, and grandiose than anything he's ever done but still sounds distinctly Him. He enjoys being a rockstar and his music works on its own as supreme horror balladry even outside of the movies that don't deserve it; the Halloween (2018) score is mandatory October wax, with bangers like Halloween Triumphant, Ray's Goodbye and The Shape Hunts Allyson where he uses that sweet bowed guitar that sounds GIGANTIC.
Firestarter has him utilizing glitchy blown-out synths, spacey piano reverb, twinkling sci-fi keyboards and, again, those crunchy guitars. Standout tracks: Lot 6, Burned Hands, Rainbird Fights Vicky, Dodgeball Heats Up, Sniper Attack, Charlie's Powers, I'll Find You, Charlie's Rampage and the End Titles. Lot 6 is the standout track - it's the most foreboding and spacey with a repetitive bass hit that I can't get enough of. I'll keep loving these soundtracks but they're gonna sound even better once they align with the right movie.
Saturday, June 18, 2022
My Favorite Pods
Thursday, June 16, 2022
I wish I had made Everything Everywhere All At Once
Usually
when I write about shit on here I have something to say, I don't believe in making it feel like homework; pumping out reviews of the latest whatever for the sake of 'keeping up.' I don't think too hard about it, I
don't make an outline, I just have a central thought and go with it.
Or, sometimes, like in the case of The Batman, I didn't write about it because I
didn't have anything to write about it. I mean, yeah, sure, I have shit
to say but I don't have anything to add. It's a movie with such
specificity to it that anyone who says all the right shit up top pretty much nails it for the group.
That group discourse is MASSIVE so I see my opinions everywhere I look; chiming in would feel masturbatory, especially when it's not a polarizing work - people generally love it and I agree with them on what works and what doesn't. It reminds me of a David Lynch quote that I occasionally agree with, "I don't like talking about movies after they're over; watching the movie is the conversation." This is especially true since I went into it with a fuckton of hype and a list of 'criteria' I wanted Reeves to meet. Watching it was me putting checks in boxes; it did this, it did that, it did this, it did that, etc. All the hype was right: This is a Batman-as-Detective movie. Yay!
But then comes EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, a movie with unbelievable hype. Every review wasn't just saying it was One Of The Best Of The Year or even One Of The Best Of The Decade but...One Of My Favorite Movies Ever or, in some extreme cases, My Favorite Movie Of All-Time - this shit was constant. I'd watched the trailer and, yeah, I got excited for it. The hype was both dwindling my excitement and nurturing my curiosity, mostly so I could have an opinion on it. I wanted it to give me something to say. It's high-concept, lowbrow science fiction comedy - but even that feels diminutive. I struggled writing anything about it because I didn't want to box it in. I didn't want to make it seem 'small'. I can't do it justice because it's just so huge, so fun, so.......tiny puny wordswordswords jadfksrnhdmkltgdzfhondgklf. I plan on watching it over and over until I die - there, another hyperbolic review.
Now, digging deeper, I also kept seeing in those reviews how influential EEAAO is gonna be. Talk of how it's gonna inspire a whole generation of filmmakers to make movies, it's gonna inspire a slew of young moviegoers to fall in love with going to the movies, etc. But...for me...it makes me wanna give up that pipe dream - in the best way possible. I used to wanna make movies but I wanted to make a -contribution- that said something no one else was saying. It's a movie that communicates not just existential philosophies I believe in (optimistic nihilism) but artistic ones as well (radical absurdism). There's an embrace of stupidity and almost Dadaistic extremity that no other modern movie has quite nailed down for me - it does for crowdpleasing family adventure movies what The Eric Andre Show did to Late Nite Talk Shows. I felt like that was missing from the mainstream and my hubris convinced me that I would be the one to make that kind of disruption. My number one rule with a new movie/show is 'show me something I've never seen before' and so I wanted to put my money where my mouth was and make something that no one had ever seen before. Everything Everywhere All At Once is that kind of contribution; it does everything that my dream project would have done and much, much, much more that I could ever conjure up. Instead of dwelling on my massive jealousy, I fully embrace it because there's a feeling much bigger than that: I'm content. Every time I watch it I can't believe it exists and that's an amazing feeling.
Wednesday, June 1, 2022
Another word on sex (or lack thereof): Top 50 pornstars
Cinema has never felt more dead to me than it has this past year and a half. Television and music have hardly filled the void. I’ve been spending the better part of the last couple years revisiting old favorites and living in the past. Oh, and J’ing my D…
Porn is pretty good nowadays, I’m not gonna lie. Nobody ever says that -- we’re supposed to pretend like it’s this disposable internet junk that we only reluctantly indulge and never ever take seriously. But honestly, I have stronger feelings about the women on this list than I do the last two seasons of Better Call Saul.
So, since this is something I care about (at a time when I care about very little), let’s make a list!
You can tell a lot about a person by what kinda porn they like. It exposes more about them than their taste in almost anything else, let’s be honest. With that in mind, let’s get naked (figuratively speaking).
Dahlia Sky
Ashlynn Brooke
Allie Haze
Riley Reid
Dani Daniels
Dakota Skye
Sarah Vandella
Violet Starr
Alex Grey
Sensi Pearl
Mia Malkova
Keisha Grey
Ashlynn Leigh
Riley Jenner
Dani Jensen
Carter Cruise
Gia Paige
Savannah Bond
Jillian Janson
Ella Hughes
Summer Brielle
Emma Leigh
Alison Tyler
Anna Bell Peaks
Stoya
Veronica Rodriguez
Kenzie Reeves
Natalie Moore
Lana Rhoades
Jodi Taylor
Natasha Nice
Anikka Albrite
Rachel Roxxx
Carolina Sweets
Laney Grey
Shay Golden
Kenna James
Lisa Ann
Jynx Maze
Tori Black
Jenaveve Jolie
Angelina Valentine
Gabbie Carter
Natalia Starr
Lexi Lore
Karlee Grey
Kissa Sins
Misha Cross
Faye Reagan
Peta Jensen