...and the search continues for takes that are still hot. Hopefully, the ones below will help keep you warm as autumn looms.
Initially, I struggled to define “black sheep.” Is this just gonna be a list of movies that are considered bad? What about remakes and their sequels?
Instead of over-intellectualizing the qualifications, I decided to play it safe (unlike these movies) and stick to what we can all agree on. So, here’s the Mount Rushmore of “wait, you like that one?!”
The Big Four. Let’s find out if they’re too big to fail.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch
First of all, it’s not even a slasher, which is its biggest strength: it’s entirely its own thing. That, and Tom Atkins.
If the Halloween franchise was meant to be an anthology then Witch definitely resembles a segment in an anthology film. Translation: it should’ve been 30 minutes long at the most rather than an hour and 40, and that’s where things turn kinda sour (if they have any flavor at all). Ill-fitting humor and an even more ill-fitting romantic subplot are used to pad out the runtime. The quirky mythology that carries the story is just that and only that. Visually, it’s better than its successors but not its predecessors, and the score is wallpaper (one of Carpenter’s weakest).
It’s not the worst Halloween movie and it’s not the best. For me, it’s the most disposable entry on this list. Neither its former infamy nor its newfound popularity are fully deserved, but in film culture there are no centrist positions. It should be remembered as the middling seasonal hallmark that it is. Y’know, like Halloween.
I will say, though, that despite all its stalling disguised (unconvincingly) as plot momentum, it does manage to effectively build to an exciting sequence: the death of the Kupfers. The movie’s structure more closely resembles a thriller than a traditional horror film, and the subject matter dips into sci-fi - that murky genre soup ties back to it being “its own thing.” The scene itself is not so much creepy as it is freaky - the kinda thing that makes you scrunch your nose. Conceptually it’s cool, sure, but what I take away from it is this: killing your unsuspecting comic relief in such a vile and sacrificial manner is a great tone-setter. Too bad the tone isn’t set until the 70-minute mark of this 100-minute movie.
BEST SCENE(S): the death of the Kupfers, the ending
WORST SCENE(S): Dan and Ellie’s love scene
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
Full disclosure: I have no dog in this fight. I’m generally neutral on this franchise. Film geeks seem to appreciate it more than other slasher franchises because of its subversion of tropes and its surrealist ambitions. Personally, I’d rather watch something whose reach doesn’t exceed its grasp. But the Cinephile Stamp of Approval on this series makes the hatred toward this particular installment kind of ironic: it’s arguably the least ‘slasher’ Freddy movie and the most surreal (next to New Nightmare). If you squint, parts of it could pass for a sort of drive-in Fire Walk With Me. I can just hear Robert Englund growling “I want to taste through your mouth” whilst brushing aside Mark Patton’s hair with his claws — not to mention Mark’s screaming rivals Sheryl Lee’s. Ahem.
On the negative side, the opening and ending school bus sequences are too silly for my taste (they’re also baffling when you contrast them with the self-serious tone of the rest of the movie). In between those mediocre bookends is a lot of tedious teen psychodrama made sorta sufferable by Patton’s admirable performance (which, in turn, is balanced out by Kim Myers’ obnoxious line deliveries).
BEST SCENE(S): the chest-burster/Freddy’s arrival, Lisa vs. Freddy at the factory
WORST SCENE(S): opening and ending school bus scenes, Coach Schneider’s death
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning
It feels like the exact opposite of what it is: a Friday movie trying to be something new. Instead, it feels like something new masquerading as a Friday movie (there’s a Roy Burns pun in there somewhere). The glove doesn’t quite fit (the “ki ki ki ma ma ma”s are especially out of place), but it’ll take a helluva lot more than that to cut the legs out from under this exceptionally idiosyncratic ensemble. One after another, we’re roped into colorful vignettes - some funny, some sweet, all endearing - that trick us into thinking maybe - just maybe - we’ve finally met our Final Girl or our Final Boy, but no. Each death hurts because any one of these characters could easily carry their own movie, and the characters who do survive are just as expendable as those who don’t, which makes their peril that much more palpable. It should be taught in screenwriting courses. In fact, the big problem with this movie is that the actual Final Girl is the sole uninteresting character in the story.
I have no defense of the final 20 minutes, but the first 70 are the Greatest Hits of the Friday canon and maybe the subgenre as a whole. It doesn’t bother me that Jason fans were unsatisfied with this proverbial flipping of the script, because if you’re a fan of the first four Fridays then disappointing you is a good measure of quality.
This is the only slasher I’ve ever seen where the victims are more interesting than the killer, but what if the killer had been as compelling as his prey? Well, this could’ve been kind of a masterpiece. Hell, given time it might just ascend to being my all-time favorite of the subgenre. Yeah, you heard me right, you big dildo.
BEST SCENE(S): Joey’s, Victor’s, Violet’s, Reggie’s, Demon and Anita’s, Robin and Jake’s, Vinnie and Pete’s, Ethel and Junior’s
WORST SCENE(S): the last 20 minutes
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
The second one swapped out tangible filth for cartoonishness, but three and four were a welcome return to depravity - even if it was cartoonish depravity in the final installment.
McConaughey, alone, makes it funnier than Part 2, but don’t overlook the straight (wo)man: Zellweger, who gives the strongest Final Girl performance of the franchise. These movies were pretty consistent with finding Final Girls who had chemistry with the Sawyers.
Okay, now that I've exhausted every bit of praise I have for the movie, let’s talk about how it’s not very good. The teen comedy stuff tests my patience whenever I watch it - in fact, almost everything but McConaughey tests my patience - but the elephant in the room is Leatherface -- or, I should say, I wish he was the elephant in the room.
Instead, he’s overshadowed by Vilmer. It’s not the first time Bubba has played second fiddle to his brother, but it’s certainly the most severe example. ‘Leatherface in Drag’ is a cute idea for a t-shirt, not a whole feature. And while the contemporary TCM movies are far worse than Next Gen, this installment kind of deserves its reputation. Kind of. Not every movie on this list is going to get props from me for being “different.” Indeed, in the case of Next Gen, its positive qualities are the ones it has in common with the first and third installments.
As an aside, McConaughey has never disowned this film, not even after his Oscar win. Respect.
BEST SCENE(S): Vilmer’s
WORST SCENE(S): every...thing else
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