The Jump Street Sequel That Will Never Happen. No, Not The MIB Crossover

  As a massive fan Lord & Miller's Jump Street movies, I still carry sizable and useless curiosity about that cancelled Men In Black crossover leaked from those 2014 Sony email hacks. It could have been a great direction to take the series and simultaneously imbue much-needed life into the MIB franchise. Smith & Jones have just as much chemistry as Tatum & Hill so the four of them interacting (with Ice Cube too) could have been buddy-comedy dynamite.

  This is all speculative, of course. Maybe we dodged a bullet considering both Jump Streets are hard-R comedies and the MIB movies are all PG-13. Crossing them over might've paired two ill-fitting temperaments: Jump Street's raunch would have to be tamed and it'd also probably have to dilute its irreverent meta humor to appeal to the kid-friendly and straight-forward tone of MIB. Still though, it sucks that we never at least got to see it (and got MIB: International instead [yuck]). Considering 22 Jump Street's brilliant sequel-bemoaning end credits sequence, Lord & Miller clearly wanted to keep it from becoming a dumbed-down and neverending Franchise; that pseudo-sequel showcase was a meta suicide note.

Jump Street is dead.

   But one more could bring it to a satisfying end.

  I recently watched another '80s cop property: DEAD HEAT. It's a buddy comedy about a cop who dies, is brought back to life as a zombie, and has to solve his murder before he decays. This would be the perfect third, and final, Jump Street movie. It'd act as a remake where Tatum's Jenko dies and is brought back in the exact same way and follows the exact same plot. And of course Captain Dickson's office would be in a mausoleum, which is in a cemetery, on, you guessed it: Jump Street. It's the one concept that wasn't in the end credits sequence.

  In typical Jump fashion, it'd have meta sensibilities and unpack how the series just won't stay dead. And unlike with MIB, it's another R-rated comedy so there'd be no restraints. In fact, seeing Jump Street get downright gory would be extra fucking fun, especially considering that Jenko killing someone in 21 Jump Street made him throw up. And, for the sake of finality, both Jenko and Schmidt would die at the end so it'd be definitively over. And, c'mon, it'd be great to see Tatum and Hill play off of Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams.

Hell, the title practically writes itself: