I mean it when I say that I was optimistic at the start of the decade. 2020, for as sparse as it was (and maybe because of that), sported an encouragingly solid ratio of good movies to bad movies. It seemed for a hot second that Hollywood might just be the biggest casualty of COVID, but somehow those reptiles survived what was supposed to be the apocalypse, and the only thing rising from the grave this October will be movie theaters.
Looking back on it now, nearly 3 years in, I can say that cinema is headed in an even worse direction than it was at the start of the previous decade. Schlock is getting worse; superhero media is decreasing in quality and increasing in abundance; talented filmmakers are putting out some of their most mediocre work to date. When I took a step back and assessed the past 3 years as a whole, I was pretty shocked by which movies landed in my "top 20" (so far), because some of them are movies that...I didn't like very much.
So, I decided to narrow the scope of the list even more to the one genre that I felt was producing the "best" movies of the decade thus far: horror. Unsurprisingly, some bad movies still cracked my top 10, and half of my top 16 were bad movies. Below you'll find that very list. Half bad, half good, which presents me with a choice: be optimistic or not? See the title of this post for my answer. And in the meantime, here're the horror movies I partly suffered through and partly enjoyed over the past 3 years.
The Good
1. The Shadow in the Cloud
Heavy reliance on CGI drags it down a bit, but it’s unquestionably the best screenplay and soundtrack on this list (it beat Stranger Things to the punch with “Hounds of Love,” but nobody cared). Ultimately, a better movie about misogyny than Promising Young Woman. Punchy pop art done right.
2. Gretel & Hansel
Barebones plot, consistently creepy visuals, and a musical score befitting October. All in all, a pretty unambitious movie compared to some others that ranked lower on the list, and that’s the biggest takeaway: more filmmakers need to master the ‘rules’ before trying to break them.
3. I’m Thinking of Ending Things
“Horror/comedy” to put it reductively, which I find is the easiest way to categorize Kaufman’s films. But when you see his name you know what to expect: talkiness, neuroses, and existentialism undercut by self-deprecation. This time, it’s all of that plus a new ingredient: spooky surrealism, making it Kaufman’s freshest outing since Malkovich. Five bags of popcorn.
4. Nope
The reception of this one fell somewhere between ‘lukewarm’ and ‘polarizing.’ I sympathize with its detractors to an extent, because it’s not the alien movie I wanted, but then again none are. Points for originality, and for making clouds, of all things, suspicious. If nothing else, Jordan Peele gave us that: something new to be wary of. How long’s it been since a horror film did that?
5. Barbarian
More twists than a Twizzler. Structurally it follows the Psycho formula, which is exactly my type of movie, and Justin Long is my definitive Scream King. It falls apart so spectacularly in the final 15 minutes that I was awed by its chutzpah. For better or worse, I’ll remember it.
6. Candyman
Brutal kills, scary villain, memorable score, overwritten script, and a bad ending. Yup, sounds like Candyman. I haven’t seen all the slasher reboots of late, but this one looks to be the best.
7. Old
What was that about bad endings? I’m noticing a pattern. This is the third movie in a row to stumble in its finale (and it won’t be the last!). Thankfully, horror is more about the journey than the destination, and this journey is off-beat, funny, horrifying, moving, campy, and profound. An even weirder cocktail than Ending Things.
8. Men
Sigh. “A day late and a dollar short” describes Alex Garland’s entire filmography. The guy just never quite sticks the landing, does he? But again, I’ll defer to the whole journey/destination thing, though this one’s ‘journey’ is the least rewarding of the Good section. Still, though, great performances and some genuine scares.
The Bad
9. Malignant
Everyone celebrated this “intentionally bad” schlock when it was spat into theaters. Tells you something about the disdain people have for modern movies. As for the film itself, I’ll just say that a giallo done in the style of a video game adaptation is something I didn’t know I didn’t want. Now I do.
10. Host
One or two spooky moments, but overall an inoffensive “whatever.” It’s not as good as Unfriended, which isn’t a very good movie, yet it managed to crack the top 10. Welcome to the suck.
11. Pearl
According to everyone, including the guy who made Kundun, it’s a shocking, disturbing, horrifying, wild experience that you won’t soon forget. I kept waiting for that movie while I was watching it. Instead, what I got was the La La Land of horror movies: a tame, two-dimensional pastiche that wouldn’t turn the heads of anyone who’s ever seen a garden variety slasher. I never watched X, and assuredly won’t now.
12. Halloween Kills
It deserves the reputation of the Rob Zombie films, and by the looks of it, it’s on track to replace those as everyone’s go-to “worst Michael Myers movie.” But is it really the worst one? Who cares.
13. The Empty Man
It’s rare to come across an actual ‘cult movie’ these days, but this isn’t a cult I’m interested in joining. There’s probably a pun in there somewhere about the movie’s plot, which I think involves a cult? I don’t remember.
14. We’re All Going to the World’s Fair
Marketed as a horror film, but hardly one at all. More like an early 2000s teen mumblecore drama with an atmospheric affectation. There’s a scene where the main character sleeps.
15. Crimes of the Future
Vivid prose puts images in your head. Prosaic screenwriting puts words in your head. When Cronenberg’s characters speak I feel like I’m listening to a biotechnology audiobook.
16. Titane
Kind of a “turn your brain off” type of movie, much like Ducournau’s debut. It functions on the same basic, visceral, single-serving level as The Human Centipede, except it never gets gross enough to be truly visceral, so instead you just sit there with your brain turned off.
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