Tuesday, October 26, 2010

THROWDOWN 001: The Goonies Vs. The Monster Squad

First up, we have two squads of heroes: The Goonies & The Monster Squad. One a kids based film with adventure genre elements, the other with horror elements.

Let's look at The Goonies first. They are a band of misfits hailing from the neighborhood of Astoria, Oregon. They hope to save their homes from demolition and use that as a means to go out on adventure to find the buried treasure of One-Eyed Willie.

With some help from wikipedia, here's a quick run through of each member's profile:

The leader: Michael "Mikey" Walsh
The one who leads the adventure to find One Eyed Willie.

Clark "Mouth" Devroux
An obnoxious, smart-mouthed Goonie who loves to talk and tends to be a bit of a trickster. While he is often treated as an annoyance, Mouth is a boy of many talents, including being fluent in Spanish.

Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen
An extremely intelligent and inventive Goonie, who idolizes James Bond and has many inventive gadgets.

Brandon "Brand" Walsh
The leader's older brother.

Andrea "Andy" Carmichael
A cheerleader who begins a romantic relationship with Brandon Walsh.

Stephanie "Stef" Steinbrenner
Both smart mouthed and skeptical. Her attributes match up nicely to Mouth's which, later on in the film lead to affections between the two.

They also have Sloth on their side. His hulking, yet loving demeanor gives them the much needed card in their backpocket.

This brings us to our next merry band of misfits...

A group of pre-teens that idolizes classic monsters and monster movies. While the Goonies have Mikey's house, these guys have a clubhouse. Not the best living conditions, but hey, nothing beats the view out the window...

Leader: Sean Crenshaw- anyone who wears a 'Stephen King rules shirt knows what's going on.

Patrick- the 2nd in command

Horace- the "Chunk" of the group. Don't mess with him or he may just remind you of his real name.

Rudy- The supposed badass of the Squad. Helpful when supplies are needed.

Eugene- "Mummy came in my house."

Likewise with how the Goonies have Sloth, the Squad has ole' Frankenstein. & that is not 'bogus' by any means.


While both bring their own brand of adventure to the table, it's difficult to decide just who will come out as victorious.

So let's switch scenarios. If the Goonies were to face the classic Universal monsters, just how could they defeat them? Would they regain their bearings and break out more suitable weaponry than just Data's gadgets? The one thing that would come into their favor would have to be the 'candles'.

If the Squad were to go up against the Fratellis, they would be more than capable of getting the job done. Having just defeated Wolfman, Gill Man and the other monsters, what can humans possibly do to them?

The one tough call would be the battle between Sloth & Frankenstein. Both good hearted and well natured. I can see the rest of the Squad beating the Goonies but I can't see Frankie beating Sloth.

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